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Friday
29Jan2010

Being Grateful on "Bad Days" 

DateFriday, January 29, 2010 at 3:00AM

Contributed by Irene Watson, MA

When I have a bad day, I find that one of the best ways to cheer myself up and put things in perspective is simply to see if the good that day has outweighed the bad. I have found that in reviewing the day’s events, I can easily find that as many good as bad things happened, and most of the time, the good far outweighs the bad. What I thought was a bad day actually was a good one after all. I suggest making a bad and good list to see what kind of day it really was. Make your bad list first to get it out of the way. Then the good list will make you feel better.

Bad Things:

  1. I got to work late.
  2. At lunch, the restaurant messed up my order.
  3. My boss was in a bad mood.
  4. While doing the supper dishes, I broke a glass.
  5. My favorite TV show wasn’t on.

Good Things:

  1. I really enjoyed the new cereal I had for breakfast.
  2. My coffee tasted extremely good today.
  3. Everyone at the office complimented me on the new outfit I wore.
  4. I got asked to go to a party Friday night that I’m really looking forward to.
  5. A friend I haven’t heard from in months sent me an email.
  6. My family liked the new recipe I tried tonight.
  7. I took time to go for a walk with my spouse after supper.
  8. I really enjoyed what a nice sunny evening it was.
  9. Since my favorite show wasn’t on TV, I took time to catch up on paying bills, which made me feel less overwhelmed.
  10. I even had a few minutes left over to read a book I really enjoyed.
  11. When I put my son to bed, he told me that he loved me.

That looks like a good day to me. Not only would I be grateful for it, but I would feel satisfied.

Sometimes the bad things may be huge, and the good things small, but if we look for the good things, they almost always outweigh the bad. I’ve found that by making a good and a bad list each day, ultimately, the bad list has so few things on it that after a while, I quit bothering with it, and just focus on my good list, which often grows to 20-30 items in a day.

Reviewing the day can make us put everything into perspective, and ultimately, come out grateful for what we have. Good days add up to a good life.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

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Tuesday
26Jan2010

The Power of Powerlessness

DateTuesday, January 26, 2010 at 3:00AM

Contributed by Nancy Oelklaus, PhD

Because of a phenomenon in our brains called mirror neurons, we are susceptible to be influenced by other people’s feelings. That is, we react. Someone behind us in traffic honks loudly and raises his hands in a frustrated gesture, and we feel angry right back at him. Mirror Neurons. A colleague gets reprimanded, and we “feel bad for her.” Mirror Neurons. In a new job, we get caught up in a political situation that we didn’t see coming, and we start manipulating, just like those playing the political game. Mirror Neurons.

Most people would like to be responsive and true to themselves, rather than reactive, but given our brains’ proclivity to be influenced, what do we do to avoid being caught up in other people’s dramas?

The answer to the question is powerlessness. The truth is, the unique feature of our brains known as mirror neurons renders us powerless over the influence of other people’s emotions and actions. We are pulled towards them, often without our awareness.

So the first step is to become aware that what we’re experiencing is really not coming from inside us, but from outside us. The second step is to admit our powerlessness over our reactive feelings.

This admission of powerlessness puts us into a neutral zone, which allows us to relax and evaluate what we truly want to do and how we want to be in the presence of this situation. Then and only then are we able to choose a response that is right and authentic for us. So it’s a 3-step process:

  1. Be aware when we are being pulled into someone else’s drama.
  2. Say, “I’m powerless over my feelings about this situation.”
  3. After spending some time in powerlessness (seconds, minutes, hours, days, or weeks, depending on the intensity of the situation), consciously choose how you will be. Write out your intention. Keep it in front of you and continuously align your thoughts, feelings, and actions with it.

Example of a powerful intention: As I stand before these confused and bewildered people, I am calm, centered, and focused. I know who I am, and I align with the highest and best within me. I am respectful, inclusive, humble, and grateful for this opportunity to learn.

Nancy Oelklaus, Ed.D, is an executive coach and author of Journey from Head to Heart: Living and Working Authentically and Alphabet Meditations for Teachers: Everyday Wisdom for Educators. She is an educator, an entrepreneur, a speaker and workshop leader. She lives on the rim of a canyon in Austin, TX, with her husband, Harlan, and Feathers, a curly white lap dog.



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Friday
22Jan2010

Being Grateful for Good Days

DateFriday, January 22, 2010 at 3:00AM

Contributed by Irene Watson, MA

When I have a bad day, I find that one of the best ways to cheer myself up and put things in perspective is simply to see if the good that day has outweighed the bad. I have found that in reviewing the day’s events, I can easily find that as many good as bad things happened, and most of the time, the good far outweighs the bad. What I thought was a bad day actually was a good one after all. I suggest making a bad and good list to see what kind of day it really was. Make your bad list first to get it out of the way. Then the good list will make you feel better.

Bad Things:

  1. I got to work late.
  2. At lunch, the restaurant messed up my order.
  3. My boss was in a bad mood.
  4. While doing the supper dishes, I broke a glass.
  5. My favorite TV show wasn’t on.

Good Things:

  1. I really enjoyed the new cereal I had for breakfast.
  2. My coffee tasted extremely good today.
  3. Everyone at the office complimented me on the new outfit I wore.
  4. I got asked to go to a party Friday night that I’m really looking forward to.
  5. A friend I haven’t heard from in months sent me an email.
  6. My family liked the new recipe I tried tonight.
  7. I took time to go for a walk with my spouse after supper.
  8. I really enjoyed what a nice sunny evening it was.
  9. Since my favorite show wasn’t on TV, I took time to catch up on paying bills, which made me feel less overwhelmed.
  10. I even had a few minutes left over to read a book I really enjoyed.
  11. When I put my son to bed, he told me that he loved me.

That looks like a good day to me. Not only would I be grateful for it, but I would feel satisfied.

Sometimes the bad things may be huge, and the good things small, but if we look for the good things, they almost always outweigh the bad. I’ve found that by making a good and a bad list each day, ultimately, the bad list has so few things on it that after a while, I quit bothering with it, and just focus on my good list, which often grows to 20-30 items in a day.

Reviewing the day can make us put everything into perspective, and ultimately, come out grateful for what we have. Good days add up to a good life.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

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