Contributed by Irene Watson, MA

When I have a bad day, I find that one of the best ways to cheer myself up and put things in perspective is simply to see if the good that day has outweighed the bad. I have found that in reviewing the day’s events, I can easily find that as many good as bad things happened, and most of the time, the good far outweighs the bad. What I thought was a bad day actually was a good one after all. I suggest making a bad and good list to see what kind of day it really was. Make your bad list first to get it out of the way. Then the good list will make you feel better.

Bad Things:

1. I got to work late.
2. At lunch, the restaurant messed up my order.
3. My boss was in a bad mood.
4. While doing the supper dishes, I broke a glass.
5. My favorite TV show wasn’t on.

Good Things:

1. I really enjoyed the new cereal I had for breakfast.
2. My coffee tasted extremely good today.
3. Everyone at the office complimented me on the new outfit I wore.
4. I got asked to go to a party Friday night that I’m really looking forward to.
5. A friend I haven’t heard from in months sent me an email.
6. My family liked the new recipe I tried tonight.
7. I took time to go for a walk with my spouse after supper.
8. I really enjoyed what a nice sunny evening it was.
9. Since my favorite show wasn’t on TV, I took time to catch up on paying bills, which made me feel less overwhelmed.
10. I even had a few minutes left over to read a book I really enjoyed.
11. When I put my son to bed, he told me that he loved me.

That looks like a good day to me. Not only would I be grateful for it, but I would feel satisfied.

Sometimes the bad things may be huge, and the good things small, but if we look for the good things, they almost always outweigh the bad. I’ve found that by making a good and a bad list each day, ultimately, the bad list has so few things on it that after a while, I quit bothering with it, and just focus on my good list, which often grows to 20-30 items in a day.

Reviewing the day can make us put everything into perspective, and ultimately, come out grateful for what we have. Good days add up to a good life.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

Contributed by Nancy Oelklaus, PhD

Because of a phenomenon in our brains called mirror neurons, we are susceptible to be influenced by other people’s feelings. That is, we react. Someone behind us in traffic honks loudly and raises his hands in a frustrated gesture, and we feel angry right back at him. Mirror Neurons. A colleague gets reprimanded, and we “feel bad for her.” Mirror Neurons. In a new job, we get caught up in a political situation that we didn’t see coming, and we start manipulating, just like those playing the political game. Mirror Neurons.

Most people would like to be responsive and true to themselves, rather than reactive, but given our brains’ proclivity to be influenced, what do we do to avoid being caught up in other people’s dramas?

The answer to the question is powerlessness. The truth is, the unique feature of our brains known as mirror neurons renders us powerless over the influence of other people’s emotions and actions. We are pulled towards them, often without our awareness.

So the first step is to become aware that what we’re experiencing is really not coming from inside us, but from outside us. The second step is to admit our powerlessness over our reactive feelings.

This admission of powerlessness puts us into a neutral zone, which allows us to relax and evaluate what we truly want to do and how we want to be in the presence of this situation. Then and only then are we able to choose a response that is right and authentic for us. So it’s a 3-step process:

1. Be aware when we are being pulled into someone else’s drama.
2. Say, “I’m powerless over my feelings about this situation.”
3. After spending some time in powerlessness (seconds, minutes, hours, days, or weeks, depending on the intensity of the situation), consciously choose how you will be. Write out your intention. Keep it in front of you and continuously align your thoughts, feelings, and actions with it.

Example of a powerful intention: As I stand before these confused and bewildered people, I am calm, centered, and focused. I know who I am, and I align with the highest and best within me. I am respectful, inclusive, humble, and grateful for this opportunity to learn.

Nancy Oelklaus, Ed.D, is an executive coach and author of Journey from Head to Heart: Living and Working Authentically and Alphabet Meditations for Teachers: Everyday Wisdom for Educators. She is an educator, an entrepreneur, a speaker and workshop leader. She lives on the rim of a canyon in Austin, TX, with her husband, Harlan, and Feathers, a curly white lap dog.



When I have a bad day, I find that one of the best ways to cheer myself up and put things in perspective is simply to see if the good that day has outweighed the bad. I have found that in reviewing the day’s events, I can easily find that as many good as bad things happened, and most of the time, the good far outweighs the bad. What I thought was a bad day actually was a good one after all. I suggest making a bad and good list to see what kind of day it really was. Make your bad list first to get it out of the way. Then the good list will make you feel better.

Bad Things:

1. I got to work late.
2. At lunch, the restaurant messed up my order.
3. My boss was in a bad mood.
4. While doing the supper dishes, I broke a glass.
5. My favorite TV show wasn’t on.

Good Things:

1. I really enjoyed the new cereal I had for breakfast.
2. My coffee tasted extremely good today.
3. Everyone at the office complimented me on the new outfit I wore.
4. I got asked to go to a party Friday night that I’m really looking forward to.
5. A friend I haven’t heard from in months sent me an email.
6. My family liked the new recipe I tried tonight.
7. I took time to go for a walk with my spouse after supper.
8. I really enjoyed what a nice sunny evening it was.
9. Since my favorite show wasn’t on TV, I took time to catch up on paying bills, which made me feel less overwhelmed.
10. I even had a few minutes left over to read a book I really enjoyed.
11. When I put my son to bed, he told me that he loved me.

That looks like a good day to me. Not only would I be grateful for it, but I would feel satisfied.

Sometimes the bad things may be huge, and the good things small, but if we look for the good things, they almost always outweigh the bad. I’ve found that by making a good and a bad list each day, ultimately, the bad list has so few things on it that after a while, I quit bothering with it, and just focus on my good list, which often grows to 20-30 items in a day.

Reviewing the day can make us put everything into perspective, and ultimately, come out grateful for what we have. Good days add up to a good life.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

Contributed by Irene Watson, MA

A friend once told me to, “Say what you mean. Mean what you say, but you don’t have to be mean about it.”

Wouldn’t life be easier if we all followed that advice? We all find ourselves in uncomfortable situations; when that happens, how often do we find excuses or let things happen that we don’t like because we’re not willing to say what we really mean? At first it may be hard, but in the long run, everything becomes easier when we are direct about how we feel and what we want.

A simple example, and a great place to start learning to be direct is with telemarketers. They tend not to take “No” for an answer. How often instead of saying, “No” do we try to be polite by saying things like “I’m not interested right now,” or “I’ll think about it,” or “Maybe some other time,” or “I’m sorry, but I’m about to go out the door.” The telemarketer only uses that as an opportunity to keep trying to convince us. We may end up apologizing as we hang up on the telemarketer. Then we feel frustrated because we feel we were rude, but we also don’t like being harassed. Had we been direct, we would have saved ourselves from hearing more of the telemarketers’ spiel as well as the wasted time feeling angry and frustrated after the phone call.

Caller ID was a great invention. When telemarketers call, we can see it’s them and not pick up the phone. But that doesn’t stop them from calling, and it doesn’t teach us to be direct. Usually, the telemarketer will just keep calling, often every day. If we decide not to pick up the phone, we are still interrupted by the phone ringing, having to check the Caller ID, and then listening to the answering machine turn on. Every time this happens can distract us from what we are doing and still make us feel frustration. Instead, be direct. Pick up the phone. Tell the telemarketer, “I’m not interested. Please take me off your calling list.” (They are required by law to quit calling you if you ask them to). We don’t need to be rude, just direct. The calls will stop; the situation is resolved. The sooner we are direct, the sooner the frustration ends.

Being direct is not always easy, so start out with small things like telemarketers. Work your way up to the bigger things. If you find it difficult to say what you know you should, tell the person you need to think about it. That will give you time to formulate your reply. When you do, don’t offer an excuse, don’t apologize, just simply state you’re not interested. For example, if someone asks you to go to a party and you don’t want to go, just say, “No, I don’t want to.” You don’t need to pretend you have other plans. Just be direct.

Practice by imagining yourself in different situations where you clearly state what you want to say. Sometimes you may even know a request is coming. Then take the time to figure out how you want to respond rather than just dreading the request until you find yourself in the situation and let yourself feel like a victim. You are not a victim. You are in control of you. Be direct and you’ll retain control.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

Contributed by Irene Watson, MA

Awhile back, I talked about making a list of our fears. It can be difficult just to identify what we fear and what we want. Once we realize those fears, we need to convince ourselves we can overcome them. Essentially, we have to brainwash ourselves (yes, it is like brainwashing, it is rewriting the script, it is recording over those negative “I can’t” tapes in our heads and replacing them with “I can” and “I will”). Two of the most effective ways to do this are by using affirmations and positive quotations.

Affirmations are just statements that you believe in yourself. To make affirmations, I suggest you get a pack of index cards. On each index card, write an affirmation.

Examples of affirmations are:

I am a unique and creative person who uses my creativity to enrich the world.

I am a beautiful child of God. I am loved and I love everyone around me.

When people tell me I can’t, I show them I can. Nothing stops me from fulfilling my dreams.

You may only be able to think of a couple at first. That’s okay. Keep the stack of cards by you and keep adding to it whenever you think of one. (You can also buy affirmation cards, but if you do, I encourage you also to write some of your own).

Once you make your stack of cards, keep it somewhere you’ll notice it everyday. On the bedside table is a good place. Every morning when you wake and at night before you go to bed, or whenever you feel the need, take a moment to draw a card from the pile and affirm the wonderful, capable person you are.

Sometimes people like to tape the cards different places as reminders, such as on the bathroom mirror, the refrigerator, the computer, the back door, the car’s dashboard. This process can also be effective, and you can change the cards weekly or as you see fit. Do what works best for you.

Besides affirmations, finding inspirational quotes, especially from people you respect or admire, can help tremendously. You can buy a famous quotations book, or just go online. By doing an online search for “famous quotes” you will find several pages full of famous quotations. Find quotations you enjoy, that inspire you or make you think. Write them down; make your own quotations book. Read them over and over.

Here are a few of my favorites:

“Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.” — Henry Ford

“Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture....Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.” — Norman Vincent Peale

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” — Vincent Van Gogh

“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.” – Richard Bach

However you want to affirm your abilities, do what works for you. Believe in yourself. Then watch the world come to believe in you.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

Contributed by Irene Watson, MA

Freedom is something most of us strive to attain. But, firstly healing must occur in our lives before we can move forward in attaining the freedom we so desire. I wrote The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference so those that choose to read my book, can heal their own lives, regardless of how shattered they feel they are.

Not knowing where to start I just started writing. I started in a chronological order and reflecting on my life from birth. I am gifted with a memory that goes back as early as 2 years old. My experiences are very vivid and clear. (And, confirmed by my mother.) As I started writing a lot of “stuff” came up for me; mostly memories of the emotional, and sometimes physical, abuse I received growing up. But, I kept on writing, and writing, and writing…. It was very cathartic for me. And, I got a lot of aha moments.

Even though I had already been at the recovery center in Quebec and was able to deal with much of the trauma I experienced, re-visiting the experiences seemed to solidify and allow me to even move more forward in my life than I had before. The 28-days in the recovery center is what saved my life and gave me the understanding of why I behaved as I did, and why I accumulated the addictions I did. Of course, the experience at the center had to be part of my story. It shows how I rebelled against anything they were telling me as well as finally “getting it.” It was my turning point.

However, The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference isn’t just about my story. Although many readers express paralleling their lives to mine, there is more for them. The book is full of explanations of the “why” we behave as we do, “why” we act and react the way we do, and there is a lot about finding our spiritual self – the authentic place we all have. In the end, it shows how we can re-write the life scripts that have been passed down for generations. We no longer need to be prisoners of someone else’s beliefs and thoughts, we can actually create our own lives. That’s the bottom-line message of the book. And, it works, because I know – I’ve been there.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

Contributed by Irene Watson, MA

Many people worldwide feel the emotional void of the after-holiday blues.  Most people have had vacations over the holidays and must get back to their routine, while others have seen family and friends they only get to see once a year and must now say their good-byes.  Other people re-experience the loss of loved ones during the holidays because they are no longer part of the family festivities, and still, there are others who have felt especially lonely during most of the year, but found warmth and giving and anonymous friendly “hellos” and “happy holidays” that are now long gone.

After the holiday season is over and normal daily routines resume, it is quite common for people to feel sadness, loneliness and anxiety.  Some people have just experienced the most amazing time of their lives over the holidays and they are now feeling guilty or ashamed because they feel mildly depressed and lonely, even though they are with family and friends.

We often hear and read about these kinds of mood fluctuations that occur during the holiday season, but all too often these mood variations are not recognized as readily during the after holiday period.  For most people, feeling blue is only a mild and temporary fluctuation in mood and once daily routines are well established again, the low mood will lift leaving no trace.  For others, support through this time is necessary in order to get back into routine and back into feeling good.

In the year of one of the largest financial falls of our generation coupled with the normal holiday blues that we see every season, a lot of people are feeling especially down with much anxiety over what the New Year will bring.

The financial outlook for the New Year might look scary and dim for some people that might ordinarily be able to easily pull themselves out of the after-holiday slumps.  There are several things people are doing to boost their spirits and make it through the economic mire. 

1.  Don’t let yourself get caught up in the after holiday sales and media monster that will eat you up alive if you are dealing with financial strain.  No sale is a good sale and no price is an amazing price if it leaves you broke and depressed because of low finances.  Realize that you are not alone and the media will continue to project a good economy with enticing advertisements which then misleads you to believe that most people are out there shopping until they are dropping: not true, most of us are feeling the economy punch.

2.  Make a list of your favorite things and figure out what is most important and makes you feel good every day.  Make a decision that you will absolutely be allowed to have this “one thing” through the New Year and beyond.  By allowing yourself to have something you really want every day or every Saturday or whatever works for you, you will begin to feel more power and control over your personal economic crisis.

Neither of the above specific tasks may work for you, but the fundamental idea that changing your perspective will change how you feel is the primary purpose of the exercise.  Finances may not get better for a while, but how you view your circumstance can change right now and this will make all the difference in the quality of daily life.

It is also important to know that you are not alone in feeling the after-holiday blues and talking to a friend or family member about how you are feeling or getting temporary professional support will help you get back on track for the New Year.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

Guest Post by Barbara Sinor, PhD

We tend to create similar situations in our lives until we become aware that the same experiences keep "happening to us." When you recognize a particular negative circumstance seems to repeat itself over and over, or a certain type of person re-enters your life several times to your dismay, take a hard look into your childhood and search for the pattern or script which may be embedded in your subconscious mind which invites the same unwanted experiences into your life.

One obvious role we play in our childhood, which can display itself repeatedly throughout adulthood is our location in the line-up of siblings and the expected script it bestows. A significant portion of the roles we assume as an adult are based on what

was encouraged or discouraged in our childhood according to our position in the family system. If one of the youngest of the family, as in Emma's case, you may tend to feel "the world owes you and nothing is your fault." Living in a family system as one of the youngest children can have its benefits, however, in the long run many times one is left with feelings of "always needing to be taken care of" therefore not needing to strive for your best. 

My younger sister, the baby of the family, was labeled "cute and artsy" which provided her with the script of becoming the sister with "so much artistic talent." Yet at the same time, this label silently implied to her that she was not as intelligent as her sisters. This label stayed with her through many adult years. She kept peace and received love in the family system by accepting her role as an artist and to not expect to be seen as a serious educational student. She began working with her child within and chose to break the bonds of being type-cast as the "artistic baby" of the family. To do this she chose to continue her education and allowed herself to follow her true Self's desire to become both a published author and a world renown sculptor.

Many times when one challenges the casting of the family scripting and ventures outside the accepted boundaries, it disrupts the accepted family system. When this occurs, family members do not know how to relate to the child/adult's newfound identity. This is why it is so difficult to move forward by trusting our own inner feelings of "who and what we want to be when we grow up." We continue to live in our programmed scripts, not venturing beyond the boundaries established so clearly by our family system. We subconsciously fear that to challenge our role in the family unit would consequently result in our losing their love. Many of us are so embedded in our childhood slotted-roles we live out our adult years content to stay the oldest, smartest, funniest, prettiest, dumbest, youngest, weakest, ugliest, strongest, or fattest child in the family to prove that we can be just what they all thought we would be!

If you find yourself relating to this concept of being slotted into a particular type of role by your family, it is now possible to re-create these influences. What your parents and siblings said and did to you as a child may have had a substantial effect on how you perceive yourself today. However, you can alter how you were regarded by your parents and others by re-creating (while in light meditative state called autohypnosis) what you believe they thought you should be into what you would have desired them to do and say to and about you.

As an example, you may have enjoyed playing the piano or painting as a child but this was discouraged by your parents. Instead, you were encouraged to enter competitive sports. As an adult, you may still view yourself as athletic but not artistic or creative. In a gentle autohypnosis, search your subconscious mind for a time in your childhood in which you were happy doing, or attempting to do, something you enjoyed. Feel the energy of this action as you begin to dance, play the flute, paint, jump the high-jump, throw the ball, or write the poem just like you wanted to when you were a little boy or girl. This exercise may bring back one of your hidden talents long forgotten and discarded. Now you can follow-through with your dream.

Let yourself explore the new possibilities of choice in your life. We have all heard of the person who developed a second career later in their life and became very successful. It is as if the desire and talent had been there all along just waiting to be discovered. This self-discovery can begin any time you choose. You can unlock these hidden talents and desires rather than continue to cheat yourself by believing there are limits to your abilities. Become who you know yourself to be.

A friend once told me that I work with people who have come to an "intersection in their lives." I like this analogy and have repeated it to clients when they tell me they need to make a decision in their life. Are you one of those people who wish to move past being a "victim of circumstance" and begin creating a new way of being? The choice-point to move in a new direction, to look at the intersections of your life, and to choose which path to take is a giant leap forward. As we choose to face our fears and self-doubts, we begin to see these intersections as mere skid-marks along our journey to healing and wholeness.

Join Barbara on her new Blog (www.drsinor.blogspot.com) to countdown to the release of her newest book Tales of Addiction and Inspiration for Recovery.



Contributed by Barbara Sinor, PhD

Here I am, almost sixty-four-years old. I could have never imagined as a little girl growing up in southern California that my life would be so full at sixty-four. My thoughts as a child were only to marry a loving man who was kind and generous; have two beautiful children that were perfect in every way; and, hope my family would still love and approve of me when I shared with them all the terrible things I did behind their backs!

Inside, I still feel about eighteen-years old, outside I look much older. I am still growing up each day. As I explore my Self when talking with others, or writing yet another book, I find my growth in ways that seem subtle and soft. My life is filled with remembered events, celebrations, and colorful ideals; it is also filled with life's transgressions, woundedness, and moments of uncertainty.

As I continue to grow up, I assume more strength, more independence, and more courage to move toward my ultimate challenges of unveiling my true Self. Growing up comes with many heartfelt cries, but we must learn to smile through the cries of pain until our soul laughs out loud.

I sit in reflection in the dawn of a new year and my sixty-four-years of growing up--it comes to me that life is not as short as others tell us. Life is a stream of events forever unwinding then rewinding until the soul moves closer to infinity. Life enters a reality we can perceive then exits to a reality we cannot fathom but which we feel deep within us exists to further our growing up…

Happy New Year Everyone!

Barbara Sinor, PhD, is the author of Gifts from the Child Within, An Inspirational Guide for the Recovering Soul, and Addiction: What's Really Going on? In a Heroin Treatment Program. She is semi-retired and living in northern California with her husband and dog, Goldie.  Dr. Sinor is experienced in the media giving seminars and speaking engagements; writing articles for journals, magazines, and online web sites. Web site: www.DrSinor.com 

Contributed by Irene Watson, MA

In recovery, we inevitably realize we have relationships with people whose behavior or attitudes do not support our recovery efforts. We then decide whether we want these “toxic” people in our lives. Some of them we eliminate from our lives, such as the negative friend or the alcoholic who refuses to seek help. Others we decide to keep, especially close family members; they can be difficult to deal with, but we learn to set boundaries and improve the relationship because we love these people and their good points. 

Then there are the toxic people we cannot easily eliminate. Those who attend our church, belong to the same organization, or are our co-workers. We can make drastic choices here by attending a different church or finding a different job, but while that may be the only solution, it also gives power to the toxic person, if not directly, then in our minds. So what do we do? Here’s an example from which to draw ideas. 

Tom used to work with a nasty co-worker named June. June whined a lot. She never had anything nice to say about anyone in the office. Because she was smart and did her job well, the boss overlooked her behavior, even when her gossip and talking behind others’ backs resulted in people calling in sick or going home in tears. June’s boss tried to talk to her about her lack of people skills, but it did no good, and June’s boss was afraid to confront her further because of her sharp tongue. Tom and his co-workers thought June should be fired, but not having that power, they had no choice but to work with her. 

Such situations make us feel we are stuck. Since Tom didn’t want to quit his job, he did his best to distance himself from June. He discussed work and only work with her, and only when necessary. He refused to participate when she tried to start a conversation about a co-worker. He refrained from talking to anyone about anyone else in the office, whether it was June or another. Ultimately, he found he was no longer caught up in the office drama. Sometimes co-workers would come to him complaining about June. He would listen and comfort them, but he would not comment on June’s behavior. Thankfully, the day came when June found a different job. 

Today, Tom admits that whenever he makes a decision to do something that requires stepping out of the box, his fear will kick in; then he hears June’s negative voice in his head telling him he’ll mess up or fail. He has many wonderful supportive friends, yet June’s toxicity still seeps in. When he realizes he’s hearing June’s voice, he does what he never could at work. He tells her “Shut up, June.” Sometimes Tom adds a few more choice words. Then he feels free to move forward. 

Figure out who are the toxic people in your life. Decide which ones you can eliminate, and how to change your relationship with the others. Start with the least toxic people to gain strength and practice before dealing with the most toxic one. You’ll be happier and freer as a result.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.